The Reality of Social Media

On a random weekday afternoon, I took a break from my work and opened Facebook. Within minutes I was assaulted by videos, news stories, recipes, friends’ pictures, and advertisements. My head was spinning and I couldn’t focus on anything for too long as I continued my scroll.

Although I had opened Facebook to take a break, I started to feel anxious, worried, inspired, and depressed all at once. I shut it down, and continued with my work, trying to shake some uncomfortable feelings. It wasn’t the first time I felt this way while scrolling through my feed, and I made a mental note to remember how I felt the next time I opened one of my social media pages. Was it a pattern?

Later that night, I opened Facebook again. I was mildly entertained by some cute puppy video, but not long after my scrolling, I started to feel anxious and uncomfortable again. I looked over at my husband, and described how I was feeling. He said simply, “If you feel that way, don’t go on Facebook.” I know he wasn’t trying to be insensitive – he was giving me some tough love – but the truth is that I like feeling connected to old friends and new through social media. And those puppy videos really are cute.

So what gives? Why was I feeling so badly?

I thought a lot about it, and realized that within moments of reading my social media feeds, I was in a world of constant paradoxes: I suddenly felt like I was the worst mother in the world and also validated that I was doing my best; I felt like I was not taking my kids to enough exotic locations and also that I should stay home to avoid being murdered abroad; I felt like I was the frumpiest middle-aged women but also that I should be grateful for my health; I felt like it was my fault people were suffering around me and also empowered to help others less fortunate.

My head was spinning.

It was like I was living simultaneously in parallel universes where everything was fine (puppy videos! a new baby is born!) and also falling apart (nasty political debates and endangered animals being hunted for trophies).

So which was it? What universe did I actually live in? And where was that music coming from?

The truthful answer is that my reality is not in any of these places. My reality is making dinner and helping with homework; running my businesses and doing laundry; being a supportive friend, daughter, and wife, and trying to raise good humans.

But there are so many times that I have a hard time separating my reality from social media: times when I feel inadequate or boring; times when I feel like an underachiever; times when I get angry or jealous or inspired or passionate or sad. It’s a lot for us to take in. Sometimes, it’s too much to process at once.

It's almost as if my perceptions on social media were affecting my reality.

So I did a little experiment. Many of us moms limit screen time for our kiddos, so I decided to limit screen time for myself. Just for one 24 hour period I did not scroll my Facebook or Instagram feeds. It was easier than I expected – and it was NOT my imagination that I was less anxious and uncomfortable.

But why? I love staying connected to my friends and family, and there is so much good in those connections.

After some thought, the answer became clearer: I was not in control of the information I was being “forced” to read in my feed. The posts that are just there, randomly, assaulting me like ice pellets during a hailstorm. Whatever was there, was there. Whether or not I wanted to be sad or happy or inspired or angry - - I had no control. None. No matter how I tried to arrange my feed, every time I opened my social media pages, I was at the mercy of everything and everyone else.

And I know I'm guilty of it, too.

Yet, during my social media “fast” I had more control of what I was reading or listening to. I could call a friend if I wanted to be connected to them or turn on the TV if I wanted to hear the news. Or I could just do my work or read a book or cook dinner with the radio playing. I could live in – better yet, create – my reality without being bombarded with someone else’s.

I know we can’t live with our heads buried in the sand - - and I do think there is so much value in social media: finding old friends and connecting with new ones; helping to find pets and donating to worthy causes; giving support to others during tough times and celebrating with them during good ones. There is significant value in all of that positive human connection.

But if you’re human, there’s always danger in too much of a good thing. When I started paying attention to how I was feeling and why, I was able to modify my behavior and have better control over what was triggering my emotions. Maybe I am too sensitive . . . and if that’s the case, then it’s my responsibility to be even more aware of what I’m exposing myself to.

Of course, it would be quite easy to blame everything else, but here’s the truth: we have control over what we allow into our space and into our fields of energy. We create our own reality. Social media has the ability to make that reality better or worse – but only if we allow it to.

And the reality is that what we see on social media is just not always real.

So where does that leave us? Truthfully, I don’t know. Much ink has been spilled by people much more educated than me about how social media and screen time is affecting human development and relationships. All I know is how I feel, and there is value in paying attention to that. . . and in paying attention to how social media makes our kids’ feel, too.

Everything in moderation, I guess. But a good social media fast never hurt anyone, and it might just empower us to better create our own reality.