The Power of Your Path

Last week, my daughter came off the school bus crying. Through tears, she told me that one of her classmates did something to her that was inappropriate and made her feel very uncomfortable. She told the teacher, and together they decided that my daughter should privately speak to the other student and let her know how she made my daughter feel.

She did that, and although the other student refused to apologize, my daughter immediately felt better advocating for herself. I was proud of how she handled it, but one question lingered.

“Why?” my daughter asked me through tears. “Why would she do that? I don’t understand,” she cried.

I tried to explain to her what has caused me, even as an adult, difficulty understanding over the years: We are all on our own path, with our own lessons to learn.

Understandably, this didn’t resonate well with my 10 year old. I’m not surprised, given that this is a lesson we adults struggle to grasp. Personally, this is has been a significant life lesson for me, one that I still work on mastering daily.

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The vast majority of people, organized religions, and belief systems agree that we humans have souls, or at least consciousness, that provides us with a moral compass and the ability to make decisions through free will. That decision-making capability inevitably sets us on our path: daily, monthly, and cumulatively over our lifetime here on this planet.

Do you ever look at other people and say to yourself why would they do that? Or why would they say that? Or even, I would never do / say / choose anything like that! We’ve all been there.

And yet, this undermines the autonomy of that other person – even when we don’t agree with their decision or actions. Leaving inhumane and unlawful behavior aside for a future Hobbsian- or Lockean-related philosophical debate, the bottom line is that we each have autonomous souls that have lessons to learn here, and our free will allows us to do just that.

Our paths are diverse and separate, but are inexorably impacted by others’ decisions. Yet, I think the key to moving ahead on our own path, growing spiritually and emotionally, is to honor those who are on a different path, even if it’s one we don’t understand or agree with. Each of us is here to grow and make an impact; but we are all starting from a different point.

Some believe that our souls are old and experienced and come back here often. Others believe we are all new souls each time we are birthed here. Either way, there is growth and there are lessons to learn. And that involves free will, and choices, and forging our own paths.

Something that I often struggle with is my own belief that it is my responsibility to help people learn lessons and grow more quickly. I often see the best in people, and I am inevitably disappointed when they don’t rise to the occasion, or become the best version of themselves, or do what I think is the “right” thing.

But here’s the rub: what I think is right or just or appropriate may be different than what another believes, simply because they have more (or fewer) lessons to learn at this point on their soul journey.

And one of my life lessons is to respect and honor that – and judge less.

That doesn’t mean, of course, that we need to expose ourselves to toxic or unhealthy relationships or situations. Truly, it may be one of our own life lessons to cut those cords and reclaim our own dignity and self-worth along the way.

And I’ve learned it is therefore very important to pay attention to how you feel. For example, if you are feeling jealous of another person’s accomplishments or relationships, don’t judge yourself for that.

Instead, honor those feelings and acknowledge them, as that jealousy is a bright marker on your soul’s path that you want to have/do/accomplish what that other person is having/doing/accomplishing. Part of your life's purpose or life's work may be down that path. And you have to commit to doing the work to get there.

As you move through your daily labors and your family relationships, what types of feelings or issues or challenges do you see repeating? Chances are, those are some of your soul lessons. When you learn them, they will stop repeating and new challenges with new lessons will appear. And that’s exactly as it should be for our soul’s growth.

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As I sat with my daughter, I tried, as best I could, to explain that her classmate had some lessons to learn besides just math and science, and that by sharing how she felt, my daughter may have helped teach the other student a valuable soul lesson. Likewise, in respectfully advocating for herself, my daughter took another step toward learning her own ongoing soul lesson in self-respect and self-worth.

And I told her that I agree that it can be frustrating when we don’t understand or don’t agree with the path that another person is on. Part of our own growth, however, is not just accepting that their path is different, but honoring their dignity as another valuable soul learning and growing, at their own pace, and in their own time, as we are.

We may have to show them love and move on, or even distance ourselves to protect ourselves and focus on our own growth, but that is part of the journey, too.

We are all here to help each other in ways both large and small. Over time and with much conscious effort, recognizing that we are all on a different path is one way to not only help others, but to help our own souls grow, as well.

It’s a tough lesson to learn, no matter what our age, but there is so much power in honoring the path.

* Some portions excerpted from the upcoming book Hustling for Joy, by Rosemarie Coppola-Baldwin