The Art of Adaptation

For the fifth time in one day, I asked one of my kids to run downstairs to get something for me. It had been over a year already of my increasing inability to walk on a flat surface without debilitating pain, never mind walking up and down the stairs.

Tons of different medicines, supplements, and physical therapy were keeping me functional but not healthy enough to live life fully. My relationships, career, business – and pride – had all taken a major hit. I watched friends flourishing all around me, and I became angry, upset, and hopeless.

I saw no way forward.

And worse, there were people around me with much more serious health conditions, so I didn’t believe that how I felt was even valid.

I had a friend tell me that the pressure and pain I was feeling was a privilege. Huh? I wasn’t strong enough to slap her, but I wanted to. Nevertheless, she challenged me to see how I could adapt and change during this season of growth. I refused to look at it that way for a long time.

How many of us despise challenges? Rail against change? Or feel that moving in a different direction is a failure because we had to change our original course? I often write about having resiliency when both minor and major life events knock you down; but we rarely talk about what you do after you get back up again.

That’s adaptation.

I didn’t have the right words for it until this past weekend when I listened to a business colleague share how becoming a paraplegic at the age of 15 made her angry - and made her wish daily that she died in the car accident that put her in a wheelchair for life. She almost drowned in that accident; she wished she had. But her mother prayed every day that she would live, and my colleague didn’t know why until she was much older.

She is now a wife and mother, and earned a Masters Degree (she typed her thesis paper before voice-to-text existed, at nine words a minute – nine. words. a. minute.). And she finally understands why her mother prayed for her to live.

So what changed for her? For me? For any of us who have moved on from a traumatic or challenging situation that has knocked us down?

We pivoted.

We adapted.

We did this by acknowledging what happened. Then we got honest with ourselves about what we needed to change: everything from mindset to our daily routine, and anything in between. We leaned in, hard. And then we took action.

What I learned from three years of pain, inflammation, sickness, and not being able to do most daily activities, was that excuses do not help you to adapt. Every single person on this planet has been through or is going through something hard . . . something that will inexorably change them.

And we each have a choice: we can accept that pressure as a privilege, and use the challenges constructively to grow into what we are meant to be, or we can make excuses and run away from the hard things.

The truth is, though, that without the challenges, we cannot ascend. We cannot get stronger, and we cannot grow. If we don’t learn to adapt, we don’t survive. It’s the reason Darwin discovered that the species who survive are the ones most adaptable to change.

We have to adapt to thrive.

And we have to be honest about it. Because if any of us pretends that everything is fine, we are not only throwing away the opportunity to connect with people who can help us, but we are also then unable to use what we've learned to help others. We can be someone’s lifeline – but only if we are honest about our struggles, resilient in our response, and willing to take adaptive action.

I learned to adapt over the past few years by acknowledging that self-care is not selfish; recognizing that I didn’t owe anyone an explanation for my “invisible” illness; changing my definition of success; being grateful for the little things; learning how to be a kinder human; and worrying a lot less about what others thought of me.

My colleague adapted by changing her mindset from a victim to a survivor; being grateful she was still alive; letting go of her idea of what should be and accepting what is; and learning how she could contribute to life on this planet in a meaningful way.

So stand back up. Be resilient. Then pivot – and adapt. Don't just survive . . . live. You are worth it.